Finding graves of your ancestors is really hit and miss, but there are a few resources that may provide value.
Department of Veterans Affairs National Gravesite Locator. Search for burial locations of veterans and their family members in VA National Cemeteries, state veterans cemeteries, various other military and Department of Interior cemeteries, and for veterans buried in private cemeteries when the grave is marked with a government grave marker using the Gravesite Locator.
Headstones Provided for Deceased Union War Veterans circa 1879-1903. An act of Congress of February 3, 1879, extended the privilege of government-provided gravestones to soldiers buried in private cemeteries. There are 166,000 cards recording these headstones has been reproduced on microfilm (NARA microfilm M1845-22 rolls). You can find the film at LDS Family History Library/Centers and National Archives and regional record services. These records consist of 3-inch by 4-inch cards arranged alphabetically by surname, thereunder by first name. The cards include some or all of the following information about each soldier: rank, company, and regiment; place of burial, including the cemetery’s name, and the city or town, county, and state in which it is located; grave number, if any; date of death; name of contractor who supplied the headstone and the date of the contract under which the stone was provided. Most of the burials occurred in private cemeteries, probably in the county of the soldier’s last residence. Some occurred in cemeteries at National Homes for Disabled Volunteers Soldiers.
Historical society headstone symbolism. Also be on the lookout symbols on graves of family members that were members of the historical societies: Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) and Sons of the American Revolution (SAR). Knowing that family members were members of these societies provide clues that your family may have copies of the research and applications that were used to apply for membership or that one of your ancestors did fight the Revolutionary War and you should be searching for military records. Each of the these organization required the person to provide genealogical proof that their ancestor did in deed fight in the Revolutionary War. The following are examples headstone symbols you will find: